Let's Get Ready to Rumble

I repeat myself eight times daily. These are snip its on everyday conversation....with sarcasm thrown in for a little extra flavor.

For one, I’m from Michigan. No, I do not attend either U of M or Michigan State. And no, Indiana is not IN Michigan, so no, you haven’t been there. Also, YES, people have sled dogs in Michigan. Also, I do Ultimate Air dogs. Oh, THAT guy? Yes, Milt Wilcox was the pitcher for the 1984 World Series. (Seriously, they ask.)
Next.
The booties? Those keep the dogs’ feet warm! Of course I’m only kidding- they prevent the dogs’ feet from being ripped to shreds by the granular snow. Typically my answer is “it’s like wearing gardening gloves to prevent calloused hands.” Where do they sleep? Okay, well, do you see that each dog is tied to a dog house? Alright, perfect—you’re not blind. Okay, now do you understand the word “doghouse?” Wonderful. Now, listen closely; these are DOGS and right next to them is a DOGHOUSE. Glad I could help. Oh, one more question? Yep, let’s hear it……”what one is the lead dog?” My specialty. All right—have you ever been alive? Lovely. And during your time as a mouth-breather, did you understand the concept of “leader?” You did? And it meant the person or thing LEADING you? Man, you’re a quality genius. With that being said, and taking into account your aptitude for all things not retarded, you’ll understand that the lead dog is the dog LEADING the team, yes? I thought so.
(***Now, of course I would NEVER respond like this to a guest! I have too much respect for my guests and for the company...I'm just having little fun here.***)


Let me add just a few more. Once more we begin: Where is the glacier? Ah, you’ve asked a tricky question. You see, I cannot, by company policy, laugh at you right now, so I'll let you ponder that one by yourself for a little longer....
You there! Yes, you with the special ice spikes that you plan to strap to your boots…....don’t . Correct. Do not put those damn things on your feet! You are walking on a SNOW, thus they are unnecessary.

And now for some funnies:
One couple lost their camera. I tried to keep their spirits up by saying “we usually find things like that and we’ll be sure to send it your way.” Her only response was “at least we didn’t have any sex videos on that one.”

I had a woman who was verrrrry ready to take a spin via dog team. We left the lot at top speed. I knew she was incredibly excited when instead of simply yelling “yay,” her exact words were “my nipples are hard!”




You know? That’s probably enough for one night. I can only fit so many glacier stories into such a small space. Just remember : life jackets are a foreign objects and "the secret of how we print these pictures out and get them down to Juneau before you" is all ours.

PS- the title quote is what we say every morning before the first helicopters arrive :-)