Oh! The Ambiguity of It!

This announcement is going to blow your mind. Be ready, be very ready. Excitement is currently sneaking up behind you with a glistening knife. He’s flexing his grubby hands and suppressing a wide grin. The thought of his message to you, presently, has him nearly beside himself with, well, himself. You see, people, this is the type of thing that goes on inside my head. Personification is the shit. Oh? You didn’t know that? You perhaps thought something else was the colloquial shit? Well, you’ve definitely been mistaken and I really can’t forgive you. Right, right, I was about to make a very important announcement. Hold the hell on. Shouldn’t we start from the beginning? There are fools who occasionally start things in other places, but they may or may not be any good at all. Nonsensical, you say? That’s not even the worst of it! Bail out now, dear friends, or you’re in for a long, long ride. Is that the Jeopardy theme I hear? Nah, it must be a little Alias techno, because that’s a far better fit; I can hear that sound applied seamlessly to the image of people shaking their heads and running for the hills as they realize they’ve made a grave mistake in bumbling onto this page. Run, you quitters, run! I’ll send a dog after you anyway, so cross water often and don’t touch a damn thing. For those of you who’ve stayed tuned, let me catch you up: I’m a weirdo. My name is Annie. That’s actually not my name, but, as far as the general population is concerned, it is—though that’s hardly important at the moment. I was about to start from the beginning, but then a few people jumped ship. We don’t need them though, so thanks for being patient. Alright, so on second thought, I may or may not start at the beginning. I’ll be one of the crazies who begins somewhere other than the start, but I’m almost certain I’ll end at the appropriate finish. The beginning, or the near beginning, is this: my name is still kind of Annie. No, not Kind of Annie like my response would be if someone had started a conversation with that statement in my presence. Even though I have a dog’s name (plenty more on that later), I don’t have any dogs (the entire theme of later). Wait! Back-up. That was humor. Okay, okay, that was inside joke sorta humor—and you probably didn’t enjoy it even one little bit. Damn. So here’s the thing: I do have a dog or two. They’re here and there….mostly there, but where’s “there,” you ask? Ah-ha! “There” is Michigan. No, don’t look around, I was just clarifying. My name is Annie and I live in a mitten, but I’m currently working in Alaska for four months. I only have one dog. That should be simple enough. By the way, have you ever read that book about the rat and the cake? “If you give a rodent a baked good ….” In that case, if I mention Connor, then you HAVE to hear about Elsie. That’s not really fair at all. I can’t just tell you about those two and leave out the two hound girls. Fox and Keytone are new BFF’s with Connor and Elsie because they are both rock solid off-leash and I love every minute of it. See, can’t do it. How can I mention Fox without telling you about her niece, Freddy? The funny thing about Freddy is that she and Oakley haven’t quite seen eye-to-eye yet. Oh, about that—Oakley has four gorgeous puppies. What’s that, you ask? What handsome, stunning prince of a dog fathered these baby things? Well, that’d be Kuz of course! Just a side note, he’s Mr. Leader Extraordinaire. After all, he only learned from the best. Ahhh Klondike. She’s such a snot. It’s funny though, because Rebbie has been her partner in crime, as of late, but he’s still sweet, innocent Rebbie-the-Bull. He used to spend a lot of time with Roary, but she’s been quite content to tease the new Alaskan boys, Brewer and Sosa. *YAWN* It seems to be getting late and I think that’s all you’ll need to know about me for a while. You’ll probably be making flow charts and sorting dogs for a week. Oh! I almost forgot about that intense announcement I was going to make. You see, I just wanted to introduce myself, though I think I got ahead of myself in the introduction of myself, and tell you, my minions, that I am here now. I'm trying to break the old notebook habit. The notebooks were getting sick of me anyway. I kept asking them to spell check all of my shit. It’s funny, because being that this is a blog with a built-in spell-checker, you have no idea how arduous a task spell-checking my work can really be. And there you have it. I’m Annie. I usually live in a mitten, but I’ve been unleashed upon the world. I ramble. Uhhh how many dogs did I end up having, anyway? Also, just for the sake of this virgin entry, I apparently vehemently dislike paragraphs and thoroughly enjoy the use of semicolons. Add the later to the list of "shits" in this wide world.

Be warned, my feathered friends (you are all birds, aren’t you?), this will only get worse! Of course by “worse,” I mean “better,” though that’s debatable. Can you handle it? Don’t let me drive you crazy. Who am I kidding? If you’ve stuck around this long, what could possibly turn your hardened soul away?
You know, it’s funny that you should mention my step mother at a time like this……